Remember these lines from the Flume song “Never be like you”?
This song and the lyrics it has have perfectly described what happened last year in my personal life. Here is a quick story.
We are humans and we make mistakes. However, we should watch our mind and judgment. At some point in time, you might feel caught up and you start to think. Typically questions like “what if…” arise in our minds and we tend to get attracted towards things we aren’t actually looking for. In my case, I started to experience really bad thoughts. What if I would end my relationship? What if I would just move to another city? Could I work more and have a better life if I did this or that? The list of questions that went through my head every single day was crazy. Don’t tell me that you never had thoughts like that, we all do at some point. Gladly, there is a way out. As I had to go through a painful and eye-opening last year, you don’t necessarily have to and I want to share with you my learnings.
Know what you can control
Learn to know what you can control and what is simply out of your control. Basically, the only thing you have full power over is your mind. We can’t influence what happens in the world, what other people do, or how our body is feeling to a certain extent. It is key to understand that you can learn to control and master your thoughts. Spend time with your mind. This sounds crazy but in today’s life we are pulled here and there and if we find some free time, we spend it on scrolling through Instagram.
I learned to meditate and spend time with my mind for at least 10 minutes every day. I observe my thoughts and let go of the ones I should. Whatever is out of my control, I let go. The only thing I can do is prepare my mind for dealing with those uncontrolled events and you should do.
Take some time today to be with your mind and your thoughts. Observe them, know what to control and whatnot, acknowledge weird and crazy thoughts, and finally let them go.
Discover when you are in a hurricane
The most difficulty comes in discovering when you are trapped inside your thoughts. Usually, our thoughts drive actions and we do things for a specific reason. When you have bad thoughts and you once again question your whole life, try to be aware of this hurricane that starts to pull you in. One bad thought after another will drive an action you will regret in the future and at some point, you can’t stop it until something really big happens. For me, this ended in my relationship breaking apart after six beautiful years. When the hurricane settles and you realize the damage, it feels like you are sucked into a black hole.
Again, it all comes back to the mind. Learn to simply identify those thoughts. In order to deal with them, you first need to recognize them. It is like being in the center of the hurricane with your eyes closed, you simply wouldn’t be aware of it unless you opened your eyes. If you have this thought classified, acknowledge it and the feeling it is causing, and then let it go.
Our mind is not complicated. Our feelings and thoughts naturally arise and we have to learn to be aware of them. You want to avoid that every single thought drives an action, observe and identify your thoughts. Let them go and then come back. Be aware of the hurricane and the fact that one bad thouht after another will drive an action with consequences if you do not step back.
Final Words
I hope you find inspiration and value for your personal life in this story. Going into the weekend, take some time for yourself today and spend it with your mind. I usually spend 10 minutes in the morning to meditate. If you need a tip, set a timer to ten minutes, close your eyes, and try to focus solely on your breath all the minutes. You will see how busy your mind is and how many thoughts will arise. Observe them, acknowledge them, let them go, and come back to the breath again in that case. A trick is to always count breaths up to 10 and then start again.
I would really love to hear about your experiences! I went through the most difficult time of my life but came out stronger than ever before and I really want to share this with you as a community.
— Alex
